I had a dream this morning that was so like Father.
In this dream I had cheated on my wife, Diana. It was bad. I didn't do it just once, but multiple times. Because of my guilt and shame, I treated her like dirt. I blamed her for everything that was going wrong and refused to look at myself. I even said, “Because of the way you treat me, I cheated.” I was unrepented. I didn't care. I kept spiraling downward, getting worse and worse.
People would come to me and confront me. I would laugh at them and disregard them as unimportant. It got so bad that I was blaming everyone around me for my infidelity instead of realizing it was me and me alone at fault. I had so much pride built up I couldn't recognize what I had become. At one time I loved Diana so much that I would have died for her, but I compromised our marriage, and, instead of going to her and saying I messed up, I blamed her for the compromise. “If you would have done this or that I wouldn't have sought out my needs somewhere else.”
I began to demand a divorce. My claim was neglect. It wasn't because I cheated but that she neglected me as my wife. Yet all along it was I that abandoned her. I was enticed by another and decided to just “dabble” in conversation (compromise). That enticement took hold and grew more and more until adultery came. It wasn't blatant at first but because it "felt" okay, I soon fell into a trap. Which became stronger until a soothsaying spirit took over.
This spirit completely perverted my vision into thinking that everyone else was wrong and I was right.
Then the day of the divorce, with me still angry at everyone but myself, I was walking in to the courtroom and I saw Diana. She was just standing there. She looked at me and said, “I really don't want a divorce, but I won't stop you. I have sent you messages and people, but you refuse to see what you have done. I even promised reconciliation and to love you just like before, but you refused. I won't hold you back any longer. I will turn you over to your ways, but if you do this there is no returning.”
I broke down and cried because of the finality and begged her forgiveness. This was so hard for me because of the deceitful walls and voices I built around me for all this time. I had to hammer past my pride and my shame and guilt. But I did and I was so torn up that it woke me up.
I know I have spoken multiple times of judgment coming to the church. But I know that God still wants reconciliation. It isn't Him that wants the separation, it is us in our own blindness and unwillingness to see our part in the mess that we have created. We have compromised and we don't even recognize the compromise.
We have allowed a lying soothsaying spirit to come in and accuse everyone else of wrongdoing, and all along it was ourselves that allowed the compromise to begin with. Perhaps we thought that we should have gotten a different answer when we petitioned God. So we got angry and walked a way in which we were told not to walk. Or maybe out of jealousy we saw how someone was blessed (in our own eyes and opinion) more than we were and was enticed to do something different than what God had instructed. So we walked profanely before Him, blaming it on Him.
I'm not going any further in this except to say: God is the God of reconciliation. He sent His Son that sinners could be RECONCILED back to Him. He made a way where there seemed to be no way. He doesn't want anyone to perish, but He will not stop free choice even among the saints that are walking profanely. He doesn't want the separation and divorce but like He told Israel because of your choices, I will give you what you are asking for… A BILL OF DIVORCEMENT.
He has sent His prophets in and warned and warned. He sent others in begging you to make things right, but you refuse to admit that you had even turned away. You say God turned from you because you wouldn't embrace the vision God had given you. Things happened in ways you thought they shouldn't have allowing the enemy a foothold. When he came, he didn't come quickly, or you would have recognized him. No he came subtly with soothsaying enticing words, encouraging the thought that you had somehow been wronged, making it okay to walk in a different light. That light was a profane perverse way to walk in what God called you to. And now you’re on a path you don't even know how to get off of.
BUT GOD.... He will continue to show up and continue to be there right in your face loving you, all the way up to the court of divorce.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
Now is the day of salvation and repentance. God is still calling you. It is better to walk away from your ministry and be reconciled to Him and then return, than it is to stand in your own profane ministry blaming everyone else for what is going on. God is saying, “Return to Me and allow Me to bring reconciliation to you and healing. I AM WAITING ON YOU!”
